I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's always time for handjobs
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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