i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
