i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
