How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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