I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
