It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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