I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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