need another drink. this is the easiest way
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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