Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
