i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
