Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
