Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
