That's intense
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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