I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
