were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
