I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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