this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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