so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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