I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
