I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
