Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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