So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
