Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
