Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
