shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
