My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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