I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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