You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
