I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
