the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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