I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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