You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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