I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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