she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
