found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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