I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
