he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
