Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
