i barfeds in our rink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
