the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
