After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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