just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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