I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
