Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
