So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
