Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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