And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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