maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
