I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
