just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
