the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So many bounce houses so little time
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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