In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He shit in the fireplace
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
