everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
