GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just pee around me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
