I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
